Last week I face-planted in the Hudson River bike lanes, on the West side of Manhattan.
It was late, it was dark, I was tired, it was ugly. I was on the phone, via iPod earbuds, as per usual, riding around the city. The back, off-kilter tire I’d been meaning to bring to the shop, swerved, and I toppled + hit the ground.
With. My. Face.
Just my face. Literally. Not a bruise anywhere else, but a forehead ballooning a bump akin to a hockey puck, surrounded by a visage bloodied, swollen, bruised. The improbability of such a thing happening (not a scratch anywhere else on my body? really??) in and of itself causes one to muse: WTF?
I was horizontal for the better part of a week, save trips for blessings and doctor’s visits. I have never in my life been in such an “accident.” And as we all know, there is no such thing as an ‘accident.’ The world was very clearly saying:
S T O P.
And the World was right. It’s been a swervy, scraggly wild ride these last few months; I’m sure I don’t need to tell you. Dramatic, sweeping change is happening everywhere. In the light of this year of “the shift,” this year of awakening to this new paradigm: baby, anywhere you are hiding is coming to light.
WHO YOU ARE is on full display.
No more b.s. No room for secrets. Manifestations are instantaneous, and you better not even think about swaying from your Truth sunshine, because I am here to tell you, the concrete faceplant is not the most attractive of wake-up calls.
I was embarrassed, ashamed, rattled. Not to mention, absolutely, totally vain. A mild concussion had me not able to move or think, and those who know me in the flesh know that basically every moment not sleeping or meditating, I am a firecracker of motion.
There was a series of events this spring that left me feeling unappreciated, drained, and therefore, unenthused. We all have our little coping mechanisms. Our unconsciously chosen wiring, utilizing myriads of ways to avoid our suffering. When this little sack o’ cells wants to dodge something, her retreat is not depression and turning in. I don’t turn in, I turn out. I know this about myself. I saw it happening and didn’t want to stop it. One rooftop cocktail summer soiree is a celebration. One every night is turning out.
Well, the universe put the kibosh on that soon enough.
This morning I wrote to a friend + living goddess in India: “I’m hoping that (crash) was the last vestiges of some egoic stronghold because my CVS is cleaned out of bandaids…”
The moment I fell, I knew why. I knew where I had been playing small. I knew that I had been hiding, unwilling to step into my light, unwilling to surrender to a greater version of myself.
And as I was horizontal for those days, I was shown where I was holding on or fearful. As that spark of connection began to flutter again, I slowly woke to a new level of compassion and understanding. Inspiration flowed forward. And here is some of what I learned:
- Manifestation is instantaneous now. My accident happened just after a sailing trip—right before we got onboard, a group of people were each talking about various surfing accidents that had happened recently in Montauk. I had a flash of recognition as they spoke crazy details of wounding: something is going to happen. Our thoughts create our reality, and we don’t have control in the way we think we do. Watch for intent and intuition.
- The person who comes to you at 1am on a Tuesday, when you tell him/her not to, after you have bled all up + down your co-op hallway, that is your person. The people who are calling you, checking in, saying “whatever you need,” sending you juice, chocolate, love, massages: Those are your people. Their love for you is a direct reflection + correlation of the love you give to the world.
- When you are not taking the necessary, deep, nourishing, introspective + quiet time you need for your own evolution… regardless of whether because you are too busy with work, a social life, or giving to others—the world will provide it for you. Swiftly. Maybe in your face. Take the time on your own dime. It’s a much prettier option.
Underneath all of this::
The life that is guiding you, the world that is holding you, the spark that is so bright that it will not withstand your petty, small, selfish desires, is magnificently gorgeous. She is here. She is within you. And it is time for Her to become you. Separation is, always has been, an illusion. We know that and we preach it + we read about it, but the time is NOW to Realize it. And not so that you can flee anywhere, or retreat to anything, or do anything different than what you are doing. But so that marvelous hottie heart is bursting with enthusiasm.
The freedom that is the birthright of this lifetime is here. This freedom is not a right, it is a privilege. And you have earned it. That’s why you’re here.
We will faceplant until we learn to find it. The faceplant is the reveal. And you might not need the faceplant. Because She is there. She’s ready. You’re ready. We’re ready. Here It is. Embrace your ugly. Own it, and then open wide. ‘Cause it’s time. It’s time for freedom. And when freedom is realized, there is nothing else, but LOVE.